Twilight Saga, I don't get it.

This idiotic series first came across my radar a couple years ago when a nerdy family member, who will go nameless because I believe she will read this and cut me in my sleep, was going on and on about how good the book series is, how real it feels and how much she loved Edward. My first thought was "Real? Didn't you just say the main charters are vampires and werewolves?" Like a retarded broken record she kept saying "no it's really a good love story". I eventually gave up the argument, chalking it up to her being a weirdo fantasy freak. After this very frustrating discussion I was blessed enough to completely forget about what I have recently been told is, THE SAGA. (We are ignoring the fact that the only saga is and will forever be Star Wars) One unsuspecting day I met a certain thirty-four year old punk rock drummer who to my shock and dismay actually read the series, left it out on his living room coffee table, and TRIED TO GET ME TO READ IT!! Since I happened to be raised in an overly macho family my first thought was, "Does your wife know you like dudes?" His argument, "No man it's really a good love story". Let me just say this, Im a big ole romantic comedy gay. Seriously anyone that knows me knows some of my favorite movies are romantic or romantic comedies. I can't help it, Im a sucker for it. So I read the back of a couple of the books and a few pages in each. From what I gathered from my read is; yes you could call it a romantic story but more accurately it's an overly dramatic high school puppy love story written by a women told through the eyes of a women. The story plays on the fears and hopes of the inner fifteen year old of every women and effeminate dude in my friend’s case. I applaud Stephanie Meyer(author of the book series) for this, it's very cleaver, not cleaver in a well written interesting love story kinda clever more of make a shit ton of money by playing on insecurities given to a gender by a overly critical society kinda clever. The story plays on a few basic human emotions but has no further depths. The characters and plot offer nothing that couldn't be found in your average episode of Boy Meets World or Wonder Years. (Don't judge I've been on a Savage family kick) Look at the main plot points (we are ignoring the supernatural aspect, supposedly this is about the story) and tell me Im wrong: 1st falling deeply madly uncontrollably in love with some older guy, you can't pretend majority of High School girls don't dream of this 2nd having two, count them two, hunky guys fighting over your love therein creating a freaky puppet master narcissistic love triangle 3rd someone (rival vampire) and something (society) trying to tear your love apart. After Meyers tugs on the readers heart strings a little, gets you by the emotional balls, the rest is filler. Less than half way through you aren't reading because it's good you are reading to make sure that the things you want to happen actually happen. You (the reader) have already made up your mind what is going to happen. It's not if the pasty white melodramatic two timing whore goes with team Edward or team Jacob. It's not if the anticlimactic teen gets her wish of being turned into a vampire and spending the rest of her life making shiny shiny love to her brooding wild eyed man candy. Or if the two sworn enemies become BFF's skipping threw the pacific northwestern forest sparkly cold hand in furry paw. At that point the story has to have the fairytale ending otherwise all the overly-theatrical people that get sucked into the books vortex of lameness would riot in the streets, kicking in plate glass windows screaming "AAAAHHHHH YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO END UP WITH EDWARD!!!!" If the reader can figure out what is going to happen next and each step for the rest of the approximately 2400 page series that is not good writing or a good story. I get why it would appeal to some people, mostly people that are emotionally damaged and should at least be on antidepressants, but to the general public this should be regarded as the sham it really is!!! The fact that this series is one of the best selling of our time boggles my mind. How could rational forward thinking people think such obviously terrible writing, which is being masqueraded as a love story, be any good at all? The movies are even worse and yes I have been bamboozled into seeing both that are out. The plots are boiled down even further; getting rid of everything that could have possible made the books remotely interesting. The acting is desperate to say the least. They are two movies made up entirely of brooding looks. Not even good brooding, porn-ish faux shyness with deadness behind the eyes that can only be attained with certain levels of shame and self loathing. The first movie, Twilight, I spent the entire movie waiting for a crappy 70's funk song to break out and all the main charters to start making out. The director tried to walk a line that one "family" of vampires are a primal tribe and normal people that exist in the "mortal" realm. It did not work because these are two elements that are to contradictory. No one at the school of the main character, Edward, attended noticed he stopped an out of control car with his bare hands? Really?? And as for New Moon I literally laughed out loud at what they called acting, this could have been caused by the coffee mug of whiskey I had for breakfast that day but none the less I have seen better acting on Days Of Our Lives. The kid that plays Jacob is pretty much a young tan shirtless Steven Seagal. The CGI of him turning into a werewolf is as advanced as the 1989 Disney comedy Honey I Shrunk the Kids. The love triangle between the main characters Bella, Edward, and Jacob emerges in the second movie; I could help like I had seen this already on The N's Degrassi. This is one of those things that will be on "I Love the 20-Teens" and you will all feel stupid for liking it. The entire series is laughable. But as one of my friends pointed out Twilight does do something good, it makes Lost Boys not the gayest vampire movie ever.

Anthony
Ps I know I can't spell or punctuate correctly